what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
