someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
