I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
