A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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