You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
