Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wish there were birth control emojis
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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