I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
