the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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