I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
