Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
