Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
