Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
