Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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