Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
