Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize