Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
