I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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