every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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