Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this will be a night to untag.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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