I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
