My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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