Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
