I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
