So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
