You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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