U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
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Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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