I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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