A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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