I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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