if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
