god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
