she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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