Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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