just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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