so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
