i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
