Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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