Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
