I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
