Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
