why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
