My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
