it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
