What did we do last night that was yellow?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Enjoy the penises
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
