Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what day is it and did you see me today?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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