dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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