Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
