when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
