Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
