She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
