There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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