Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
