This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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