Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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