and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
