my phone needs a breathalizer
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize
