you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
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