Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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