I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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