my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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