I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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