I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think people are normalizing furries
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
