I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
